Lewy, Sunny and my dad....

As everyone probably knows by now, my dad is sick. He is sick with a disease that has no cure. Usually, when you are faced with an illness, you seek out counsel from a Doctor or surgeon. You do what you need to do to get better. You battle it. If it was cancer, you would use Chemo, surgery and radiation therapy. If it was your cholesterol, you'd change your diet and take medication and exercise. Heart problems? Heck, you could take medications or get a heart transplant! But nothing with Dementia.

Our foe has won already. There isn't even a twinkle of hope that we could band together as a family and beat it! No prayer to our Lord could be said loud enough or often enough to give us hope that the Doctors will walk in one day and say "I don't believe it, but its a miracle and your father is cured". Nothing. Defeat. Defeated before we even knew we had a fight on our hands.

I got to see my dad this weekend for the first time since him diagnosis. We haven't told him what is wrong with him though. And we assure him, he'll get better soon. None of us can talk about it with him, I mean, seriously, how do you tell someone they are losing their mind and there is no stopping it? So we have decided to just let him think he is getting better every day. One of these days, he'll stop asking. And that will be the day Lewy has totally taken him from us.

Seeing my handsome strong daddy so frail hurt my heart. When I hugged him, it felt like Muhammed Ali had just right hooked me in the gut. It took everything in me not to sob uncontrollably in his arms. But he knew who I was...Which is a great thing.

We spent the weekend looking at old photos I had brought with me. He knew everyone in the pictures and re-told me stories I have heard a thousand times before from him. But that is ok. I liked hearing him talk. We went for walks and I even took him to Wendys for a burger. Which he LOVED! At night though, he would get confused more. Sundowning happens when there is low levels of light and they get tired. Together that makes dementia patients miserable and gives the caregivers a real workout. So every night when Sunny came to town, my heart would break all over again.

My dad smiled this weekend. I'd like to think it was because his baby girl (that's me) was visiting him. But I'd also love to know he is in a happy place most of the time. Even with these two (Lewy and Sunny) taking over his brain.

I reluctantly had to come back home today from his house. I cried the entire five hours I was on the road. Thank you Lord for big sunglasses and for letting me take this trip alone. I know everyone I talked to today has probably blocked me from calling them again. I was a blubbering idiot. But I'm a girl losing her daddy.

Even though this weekend was mentally and physically draining on me, I can't wait to see my dad again Sunday in Jacksonville. He is going to the Mayo Clinic to have a definitive diagnosis. Since there is no treatment, that's all he'll get from them most likely. But it brings him 3 hours closer to me, and a great opportunity for my daughter to see her grandpa before he falls deeper under Lewy and Sunnys control and forgets who she is.

So there you have it. Im sorry for the jumbled mess, but my brain feels like scrambled eggs right now....I need rest.