As I sit here....

As I sit here watching you sleep daddy, I remember all the fun times we had together. I remember you teaching me how to ride dirt bikes, how to bait a hook, how to change the drum brakes on my old car. I remember how you would always smile so big when I told a joke just perfect, and how when the guys at the fire station would laugh at one I told, you'd be the proudest dad alive! You taught me that the best school was the school of life. That money wasnt everything, and I could do a man's job if that was my hearts desire.

As I sit here watching you sleeping, I know time is short for you here on Earth. I know some might think its creepy, but I want to remember you peacefully, not agitated like you have been as of late. The rhythmic sound of your breathing is soothing to me. It brings me back to a place a time when I was maybe 5 years old and taking a nap with you. Well, you were taking a nap, I was watching cartoons! You were so big and strong to me, nothing could beat you daddy! But now, this beast that has a hold of you is winning. And there is nothing we can do to fight him off. So I must sit here and enjoy the stolen moments I have with you when you know who I am and when you can articulate your thoughts into words or a simple hug.

As I sit here watching you sleep, I think of all the visits I put off because I was too busy. The phone calls I never made to you because I wanted to sleep in or had something "more important" to do. I think of all the father/daughter talks we never had, because I was too afraid to broach a certain subject with you. And I think of all the hugs I missed out on because I was so far away living my own life. Im sorry daddy. I should have made you a priority late in my life, as you had made me a priority in yours when I was younger.

As I sit here watching you sleep daddy, I wish I could wake you up and tell you I love you and know that you understand what Im saying and who I am. Instead, Ill just pray to God that when you make it to Heaven that He tells you how so very loved you were here on Earth and also how loved you will be even after you are an Angel.

I love you daddy....You were and always will be, my first love.