Today I did something horrible. I feigned happiness for yet another friend who called me giddy with excitement about her newest pregnancy. This makes three in the past year. All three are my dearest friends. My three closest friends. They are the three women that know me better then I know myself sometimes. And all three have and/or will be bringing new life into this world by the end of this year.
Now, I am happy for them all. Truly I am. But I am sad for me. Yet ANOTHER baby shower to attend with a smile upon my face and a rock in my stomach. Another reminder of something I'll never experience again. Money can't even buy that dream for me anymore. It is so hard to plaster that smile on my face when I see their belly's grow with the new life inside of them.
Don't get me wrong, I am so happy for my friends, I am ecstatic that all three of them are living their dreams and expanding their families. And I truly want to smile for them and jump for joy for them, and just be plain happy for their good fortunes.
But when the heart has to let go of a dream I guess its a bitter pill to swallow. And every time I see or hear about another friends pregnancy, it gets bitter all over again.... And I just wish some things had turned out differently for me. I wish I would have met Rick years ago and had a few kids together....But you can't go back in time can you?
In my next life though.....
No comments:
Post a Comment
Be kind!